I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
