Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
