I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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