Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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