Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize