Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
