I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
