Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
