Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
