fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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