it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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