If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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