the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
