my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
