we have officially lost it.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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