just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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