I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
