I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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