Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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