No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
