thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
