I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
