Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
