Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
