I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
