Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
