In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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