I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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