We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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