why do cheetos always look like penises
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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