I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
