just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
