It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
