Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
