hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
