Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
