I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
