well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
