Well apparently he's into motor boating.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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