The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
