Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
