I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
