i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
