have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
