So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
