One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
