I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
barbara walters just said penis...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
