i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
