There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
