I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
