Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
