What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
