I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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