u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
