Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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