i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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