I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
