I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize