he thought i was a dude.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
