apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
