Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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