i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I still have a little drunk in my system
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
