The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm too high and old for this...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
