At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
